eliza says, vol. 9

So, Eliza got a haircut! It happened a couple weeks back, and I've already lamented to anyone who would listen so I won't go into too much detail except to say I am at peace with it now. She's a doll. 

Basically, I got a haircut a few weeks ago and ever since Eliza has been saying that she wants one, too. So, we looked at some pictures online and she picked a short bob with bangs. She wanted hair like mine, which is really sweet. So, Sam and I dragged our feet for weeks because the thought of cutting her long, beautiful baby hair made us so sad. But, one Saturday morning, Eliza and I were out on a date together when I drove past a local kid's salon. I popped my head in, thinking that they would be slammed because it's Saturday. The lady said she could be up next. So, I bring Eliza inside and immediately felt sick. I asked her over and over if she wanted to just get a trim, but she insisted she "wanted the whole hair cut." So, when it was her turn I showed the lady the picture and was still sort of stalling. But, Edna Mode there (she looked just like her) snipped off a chunk of the hair by her face because I could protest. Eliza was so patient and quiet while she cut away at her hair, and I sat on the chair next to her and just cried. I tried so hard not to make her upset or worried, but it was really tough to keep it in. Five minutes later, Eliza had a bob and a lollipop, and I had an envelope with a little lock of hair inside.

I honestly had a very hard time with it. All morning I couldn't stop staring at her, because she looked so different. Like, not my child. Let me remind you, Eliza has never had her cut. Ever. It was long, almost to her waist. It had windblown waves, and sun-bleached golden ombre highlights. So, as we ate pancakes and Eliza chattered on and on as if nothing had happened, I just stared. Then, for the next two days I couldn't look at her at all because every time I did I would burst into tears. It was pathetic and weird. Sam kept having to take the girls out, because I was sobbing in bed. It wasn't that I thought she looked ugly or something, it was that she didn't look like Eliza. She didn't look like my little girl. It was that I had taken her to do this. It wasn't like every other kid's drastic hair cut story, where they sneak a pair of scissors to hack off all their hair, and the mom has to even it out or something. No, I did this myself. It was just so drastic. 

So, yes. I hated it. I'm her mom, so I can say that. And, yes, I can also say that I will always regret cutting that hair to the day I die. Because I am her mom, and I'm allowed to be weirdly dramatic. But, I will also say that I am getting used to it. That it really is adorable. And that it seems to fit this little grown up girl that has emerged these past few months. She is a big sister, a big girl, an almost-four-year-old. She was ready for this. Just, maybe mama wasn't.

Welp, I obviously ended up going into way too much detail. Whoops.

I love these pictures because of that hair, the Darth Vader temporary tattoo on her forearm, the tiny-teeth smiles, and those eyes. Lately, I have been going back and looking at baby photos of Eliza when she was Sadie's age. And it really is amazing how their eyes never change. When I look at Eliza's age, I can still catch glimpses of my baby.


A bit of E, lately:

teacher Sara- Sara is our friend who teaches Nature School. She is also Eliza's friend Sage's mom, and she works with a really great program in Oakland that teaches science classes to girls. Eliza is obsessed and in love with her, and her family. She told us that she wants to be a science teacher like Sara when she grows up. 

family picture- The other day, Eliza told me:

"I drew a picture of our family at school. There was me, and Sadie, and Papa.... and Papa is hugging Rob..."
"Oh! Rob is in the picture?"
"Yeah. And Sara, and Sage. But, Gideon and Jasper are at school."
"Oh, is Mama in the picture"
"Oh yeah, you are in the picture, too."

So, somewhere at Eliza's school is a family picture with a whole lot of people in it.

scissors- Eliza is really into scissors lately. She has some kid scissors that she carries around the house all day. She is very serious about scissor safety, so I totally trust her. But, I find bits of cut up paper all over the house. She loves to draw things, and then cut them out individually. She loves to cut up mailers and advertisements that come in the mail. One time I found a bunch of "ransom note" style pictures where she had cut out letters from a card, mixed them up, and glued them to form made-up words. Once, she took an empty toothpaste box, and glued tiny scraps of paper and googly eyes to it. When I asked her what it was she pointed at the paper "arms" and "legs" and said, "Oh, it's a doll." 

"Bongo, Oh, Bongo. Oh, Bongo is my name."- These are the lyrics to one of the songs that Eliza will perform at her dance recital. It's about a clown that dances and laughs. She sings it all the time, and the dance is so darn cute. She also loves making up words to tunes she already knows. (She gets that from me.) So, once, Sam was trying to take a break on the pot which means that Eliza was, of course, pounding on the bathroom door and bugging him because she thinks it's funny. He got a little fed up and snapped at her through the door. So, Eliza laughed and sang, "Papa, oh Papa. Oh, Papa is so mad."

5 pounds- We love Britain around here. Sam and I watch a lot of BBC, Eliza reads Baby Lit Pride and Prejudice and watches Peppa Pig. So, when she was playing with a pretend cash register the other day, and pulled out some money to pay for something and said, "That will be five pounds"- I had to laugh.

"These ____ are not being nice!"- Sometimes I will suddenly hear exasperated screams coming from her room. I run in to find her struggling to get her tights on, crying out, "These tights are not being nice!!" Fill in the blank, she says this a lot.

siblings- I am so excited for Sadie and Eliza to play together someday. I mean, they sort of do now. Sadie adores Eliza (and fears her!) Eliza just has so much love to give. And, I can see her getting excited the more that Sadie responds. I'm mostly excited because I know how much Eliza seriously longs for sibling interaction. When we are out, and she sees siblings playing or laughing, she watches them like a little wallflower, a little smile creeping at her lips.

"I'm not happy about this."- One of her favorite sayings lately, for when she's... not happy about it.

adults- Eliza loves adults. She loves her teachers and her friends' parents. She will ask, "Can we go to Shayla's house? Can you call Ben and ask if we can come over?" (Shayla and Ben being the parents.) She loves to hold hands with the parents, and chat their ears off. Sam said she reminds him of him as a kid, always sitting at the kitchen table with the parents instead of running around with the kids. I kind of love this about her. I also love how much her teachers seem to have a soft spot for her because of this.  

questions- I return to the questions, again, because they are so defining of Eliza lately. She never stops asking questions. All day long, with every conceivable concept or topic. 

"What is water made out of?" 
"How do we get hiccups?" 
"How does the Easter Bunny bring kids treats?" 
"What happens when we die?"  
"Why does the old woman live in a shoe?"

It's really fascinating actually. She's incredibly interested in knowing how things work, and in understanding everything around her. I do my best to answer her questions correctly and with detail, because she will absolutely not accept short or vague answers. And, every question builds on the next so if I blow off one question than I might get stuck in a corner without answers. I love when she gets all the way down her list of follow-up questions to a place where she is somewhat satisfied and decides to move on. Like, when the answer becomes, "Hydrogen and Oxygen," she gives a satisfied nod and walks away. I also love when she answers her own questions, or builds on my answers. Like, "How do people get hiccups?" When I explained to her about spasms in the diaphragm, she thought for a second, looked at Sadie, and said, "Sadie must have a tiny diaphragm." 

The one thing that has been difficult is her interest in abstract ideas, or imaginary things. She is so special in that she really embraces and loves imaginary worlds- fairies, mermaids, Santa, the Easter Bunny. But, she also loves logical explanations. So, when we went on a leprechaun hunt at Nature School today by following the tiny paper footprints to find the leprechauns treasure, she could not let go of the concept even after the treasure had been distributed. She wanted to know why the feet were made of paper, where the leprechauns lived, whether or not they had arms and faces, and what they do all day. When the other kids seemed to move on, she wanted to continue to search for the leprechaun, insisting that every little bush cave we saw on the trail needed to be checked out. So, I'm grasping at answers to give her and all the while thinking, leprechauns are so creepy when you think too hard about it! I mean, "Mom, what is a leprachaun?" "Well, it's a tiny, old man... thing... that hides his treasure under rainbows..."

eight months.

This baby is getting HUGE. Whenever I say that, people always laugh and comment about how small she is. But, trust me, this is a huge baby for my standards. I love how thick and solid she is, and that she allows you to hold her and cuddle. There's so much to cuddle! 

I call her "Chunky McChunkerson" and "my little cream puff." I don't know where this stuff comes from. Nicknames for my kids just sort of appear in my life, and I am sometimes embarrassed of them when they pop out of my mouth in public. Like, for some reason, I used to (maybe still do!) call Eliza "Chewbacca." Not because they have any sort of resemblance, or anything. I honestly don't know why. 

Anyway, Sadie is a chunk. And we love her. And she loves... FOOD. She had an epiphany a few weeks back, in which she realized that at any point in her day there is most likely food within reach. She will eat anything, and never really stops. She doesn't like it if we are eating and she is not. She doesn't like it if she can see food and it's not in her mouth. And, she really doesn't like it if you stop feeding her, even for a moment. She will start screaming at you. When it comes to food, this girl is a beast. But, really, it's so nice. I don't have to convince her to eat. She just does it... all day long. She's also very calculating, she will wait until I am not paying attention and then launch herself over the edge of the picnic blanket to grab a mouthful of clover flower. Little stinker.

A few snippets of our girl:

mover!- Sadie has finally learned how to scoot around on her belly. The problem: she can only go backward. So, she scoots herself back into corners and bookshelves all day long, and then gets extremely upset about it. When I put toys in front of her to try and get her to go forward, she only scoots further and further away from them. She still hates to be on her belly in the first place! So, mostly she sits up on the floor and plays with whatever she can reach, too lazy to actually go for anything beyond her own bubble. I'm torn with being annoyed that she won't go for it, and relieved that I still have a baby that isn't mobile!

dimples- Sadie has dimples all over that chubby, little body. My favorites are the dimples on her hands, when she reaches out to grab something. Or, when she is clutching my finger tightly. We also love those yummy dimples on her bum. It has been such a cold and wet winter here in the Bay Area. I feel like Sadie has been bundled up for her entire life. The houses and buildings around here are chilly, as well, since they are not equipped for extreme weather. So, whenever I get a chance to actually see that soft, creamy skin I am so happy. 

thumb sucker/hand hold- Sadie is really settling into her thumb sucker faze. I think it's adorable, and will gladly pay the thousands in ortho work to fix her mouth after she destroys it, because it makes her so happy and calm. Lately, she has developed the cutest, most comforting hand hold where she sucks one thumb and then uses her fingers to grip the outside of her other hand. It's so sweet. When she's just bored and sucking her thumb, she will use that free hand to tug on her ear or stroke her cheek.

worried eyes- Sadie has inherited the sweetest eyes, which many people claim come from my Dad. They tilt down just slightly. And, when she's sad they crinkle and turn down even more. We call them her "worried eyes." They show up when she is crying or sad, or feeling neglected. My favorite "worried eyes" sighting is when big sister is "playing" with her and Sadie looks over at me like, "Why are you allowing this!?"

screams- Sadie has definitely found her voice. I know I have mentioned that before, but this past month her voice has amplified times a million. She screams and screechers like an animal for no reason than to hear her own voice. She loves to pull her new vocal tricks out when we are in quiet places, like church meetings or restaurants. And, if you try and gently cover her mouth she will blow raspberries into your palm.

pinches- Remember how I waxed nostalgic about how sweet Sadie's wandering hand is when she's nursing? How she would stroke my arm or hold my finger gently. Well, lately that sweet, little wandering hand is more like a painful crab claw. She will grab folds of skin on my forearm and pinch with all her little might- which is actually pretty hard! Or, she will take her tiny thumb and dig away at my flesh with her sharp, little fingernail. Ouch, baby.

little flirt- Sadie loves to flirt and make friends in public. It makes my job easier, because they entertain her when I am standing in lines or eating at a restaurant. She has this funny fake laugh that she does when she is happy. It's kind of throaty and high. She will smile and laugh her funny laugh, and they are totally stuck because who can look away from that?!

Here is a pre-shoot outtake! Tasty baby!