sadie lee.

Meet Miss Sadie Lee Gray.

She is a second child. Her "newborn pictures" were taken three weeks late, and this "announcement" post is now seven weeks late. But, we love this sweet girl more than we possibly could have imagined.

Sadie is sweet. That's the word that keeps coming to us every day. Every day when she allows us to lay her in the rocker and quietly looks around the room, while contentedly sucking on her pacifier. And, every night when she goes to bed at 10pm and wakes up at 7am, mercifully only feeding once during the night. Every moment when she looks up at you with those big, grey-brown eyes and her tiny, m-shaped mouth and chubby cheeks. When Sadie is upset, she starts to grunt and squirm. After a few minutes of this level of unhappiness, she moves into a louder grunt/cry in tiny spurts. And, then if you really take your sweet time she will eventually graduate into a full cry. I mean, do babies really do this!? (Eliza was known for going 0-10 in two second flat.) Also, because of this gradual cry, she is fairly easy to read. I can cover my bases and solve the problem before it escalates into madness. I know a lot of this has to do with being an experienced second-time mom, but I really do feel like she communicates her needs so clearly.

Sadie is soft. Her dark, wispy hair smells like apricot jam. Her demands are few, and when she does get particularly upset, she has this little, exhausted after-cry that breaks your heart. She melts into you when she cuddles. (Even as a newborn, Eliza would fight the cuddles unless she was dead asleep.) On days that we are out and about, Sadie will actually hang out in the carseat, patiently waiting to be taken out. But, if I leave her in there too much in one day she gets starved for human contact. Some days I forget how long she has been in there, and by the end of the day she will work herself up into a frenzy of sad, newborn cries and one single, hot tear. (It's so sad when they start making tears!)

Sadie is squishy. She is my "chubby" baby. Small for the average baby, but chubby for a Gray. Her little face is filling out, and she has the faintest of baby rolls in those little legs.

Sadie is pink. She is so pink and fair for a child of mine! But, also, she looks so good dressed in a pretty, blush pink. It's the color I kept seeing when I was pregnant. Whereas, Eliza always seemed all bright and gold in my mind, Sadie always looked like a lovely shade of pink. So, I intentionally bought a few outfits in light pinks in the last few weeks of my pregnancy, and it's all I want her to dress in. And, her sweet personality matches that perfect shade of pink. Sweet Sadie. Sadie Baby.

Sadie is Sadie. We talked about names for years. We had an ongoing baby name list since having Eliza. Two years ago, I had a little girl named "Sadie" in one of my dance classes. She was a really sweet girl. I remember liking the name but not thinking that Sam would be into it. But, I added it to the list anyway. Towards the end of the pregnancy we both agreed that the name kept rising to the top of the list, for good reason. Sadie is so a "Sadie." She is Sweet Sadie. It took me months to feel comfortable with my decision to name Eliza "Eliza," but Sadie felt right even before she was born.


Having another newborn has been difficult. Just because Sadie has been an "easier" baby, doesn't mean it hasn't been hard. Newborn cries can stir up the air in a room so fast it makes you want to scream. Newborn screams escalate any situation into a meltdown for all. Our laundry baskets are overflowing with tiny, newborn clothes that smell of sour-milk. Our exit from the house with a newborn is so involved it makes us want to hole up inside for the rest of the day. But, a newborn inside all day makes me lose my mind. Our day to day is brought to a halt if the newborn's needs are not being met. And, for so many other reasons that I plan on working out into words later, newborns are just. plan. difficult.

But, newborns... they are everything. They are perfect.

I've been compiling a mental list of things that I forgot. Sweet, simple things that I forgot about having a newborn:

1) The newborn smell- Like when you have them bundled up in the baby carrier, pressed against your chest as they slumber peacefully. You tip your face just right above that wispy hair and you feel like you can practically inhale that baby in one deep, breath- just drink in that sweet, baby smell. Sam and I have decided that Sadie smells like apricot jam.

2) The fist fuzz- Newborns keep their fists clenched for the first weeks of their life. Inside those tiny fists is a treasure trove of sticky fuzz. So, if you are able to get them to let go of their surprisingly tight grip, you can spend your lazy afternoons prying up each finger and pulling out those little fuzzies. It feels so good, for some reason.

3) Those tiny fingernails- They are so tiny! How is it even possible?!

4) The stages of sleep- Like, when they start to drift off and their eyelids just flutter and droop, and they keep fighting and fighting it- suddenly seemingly sound asleep, and just as suddenly wide-eyed and searching. When they do finally drift into slumber, you just sit and watch. You know you should "sleep when the baby sleeps" but, oh! those tiny newborn noises. The snuffles and grunts, and the sweet little squeaks. And oh! those tiny newborn wiggles. The way they shift and squish, a little sleepy swaddled dance. You can't take your eyes off them. And then, slowly they drift deeper into slumber and then you're stuck, staring longingly at those half moon eyes, with the tiny eyelashes that barely peek out, and those squishy mouth and cheeks. They are so still and quiet, and you hover just waiting for them to catch their little newborn breath again. And your hands are itching to grab them and wake them up again so you can cuddle and kiss them, but your mind and your body are saying.... go to sleep, crazy woman.

5) The s t r e t c h- The moment when they wake up from a nap, you release them from their swaddle, and they s t r e t c h for a good give minutes- straight arms, fists clenched overhead in a touchdown stance, triple chin squished back into their neck, little legs stretching out and and bouncing back into their round bellies as they arch, arch, arch their little back, and then slowly dissolve into a little sigh of happiness. I have plans to take a video of this someday. It needs to be recorded.

6) The look- When you know that they see you, that they are seeing you. That after all their sweet wandering and studying stares all day- at the movement of the branches outside the window, the sunlight dancing on the floor, the spindle bars on the headboard, or the straight edge of the frame above the changing table- they are suddenly and very intently looking straight into your eyes. And, the day when a smile sprouts on their lips and you just know that this time, it wasn't gas. This time it was totally a smile. And it was totally meant for you.

Sadie has brought so much happiness into this home. We are so glad she is ours.

We love you, Sadie baby.

I will be putting down more thoughts on Sadie's birth, the sister love, and our lives as a family of four. But, writing is slow these days, and I'm working towards being ok with that. So, I just tell myself, "Be patient with yourself, mama!" Maybe tomorrow.