five months.

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Sadie Lee is five months! If it's possible, this little one is only getting sweeter. I started calling her my little baby doll, because she is exactly what I imagined a real baby would be like when I was young. She lets you cuddle with her, and hardly complains at all when you squeeze her. I tote her around town all day, and when people stop to say hello, she graciously flashes her precious, little smile. When she nurses, she curls up and settles into my lap with her smooth head nestled in the crook of my arm. Sometimes, when she wakes up from a nap, we just lay together in my bed and she tells me all about her baby dreams, babbling happily to herself.

I have also been joking that, while Eliza has been sort of destroying me during the day with her high emotions and tantrums, this little baby right here has been slaying me at night. I hate to say it, but I have not been my best self these days, from lack of sleep. We attempted some sleep training, but it didn't catch on the way it had with baby Eliza. And, our tiny house is just not conducive. We spent a couple of weeks sleeping on an air mattress in the freezing living room, before we finally gave up and retreated back to our bedroom. It got too cold at night, Sadie wasn't catching on, and the Christmas tree took over the living room. Also, with the holidays looming, I knew that any training we achieved right now would fly out the window during our travels. So, we are going to give it another go in January and hope for the best. For now, I will try to remember that someday teenage Sadie may never want to cuddle with me, much less every 1.5 hours in the middle of the night. Right??

I decided I wanted to take pictures of Sadie in her tiny crib this month because I wanted to remember this time in our life. This time when we are living in a little two bedroom house in Berkeley, with two kids. Where Sadie is sleeping six inches from my face, and we have sound machines blasting in both bedrooms to cover up the household noises, as well as the trains that run along the track four blocks away. Our little house that has one bathroom- a "jack and jill," connecting the two bedrooms. So that, at night when you have to pee, you play a game of roulette trying to decide if it's worth it to wake up either girls by crossing through the room, and which one do you risk. And, you definitely don't flush or the game is up!

I want to look at that picture of little Sadie bathing in the sunlight from the window and cry because I so wish that a baby was sleeping six inches from my face for the rest of my life! I love my happy family, and my happy, little home.

Things I want to remember:

her voice- Sadie has found her voice. And, she loves to use it. She shrieks and squeals, and grunts with a purpose. Sometimes it takes people off guard, it's funny.

her cheeks- Those cheeks are so chubby and firm. When she smiles, they shine like little apples and make her face look so round, if almost square. And, I am obsessed with putting bonnets on her head because the ties frame her cheeks and disappear into the folds of her neck.

her thighs- She has the chunkiest thighs. And since she is still fairly petite, her thighs just sort of take up her entire leg. She has outgrown size 1 diapers, and we are desperately trying to finish up the last box by streeeeetching them over those thighs- and regretting it later when she leaks through. Whoops! Also, sometimes I call her "Chunky McChunkerson" and Sam says I'm going to give her a complex. And, I tell him, her only job right now is to grow and I'm just complimenting her on a job well done.

her laugh- Sadie has the best laugh. It's low and growly, and sometimes she combines it with a funny cough. She laughs at Eliza and other kids, and when you play with her. And basically anytime you give her even the slightest bit of love, she will return it with a beautiful smile or a belly laugh.

grabby- She loves to grab now. She finally reached the age where she loves to play with toys, which has made my life all the more easy. She gets really serious when you hand her something- slowly reaching out her little fingers until they make contact. If you hold her during a meal, she will grab at your plate and food. And, she loves to clutch onto any hair that comes her way. She also loves anything that makes noise when you crinkle it. So when we are grocery shopping, I will throw a bag of something on her lap and she will crinkle, crinkle for the entire shopping trip.

belly roll- The second you put her down on her back, she will roll over onto her belly. She used to immediately get super mad, and Eliza got really good and going over and rolling her back- like a little beetle bug, but opposite. Eliza would laugh and say, "Sadie!? Why do you keep rolling on your belly?!" Now, she doesn't mind being on her belly so much and is starting to explore movement just a bit. But, when she gets tired, she will sort of just lay her face down in the rug and grunts.

Eliza and Sadie- Eliza is still learning about how to treat Sadie. Honestly, she's a little abusive, and we are working on that. Sometimes, Sadie will sort of shake a little when she knows Eliza is coming her way. But, mostly she gets so excited when Eliza plays with her, even when it hurts. haha

Is it conceited if I say I make some insanely beautiful children? I don't care. I do, and they are. :)

bonny doon.

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For my birthday last month, Sam took the family to the little town of Bonny Doon. It's a tiny town that basically consists of a few local businesses right on Highway 1. He found a great place on Airbnb- a home on a ranch in the Santa Cruz mountains. It was the perfect birthday present. He watched the girls all weekend, while I laid around in bed and finished an entire book. We went on a hike in the dunes, and played on the beach. We ate seafood at a cute roadhouse in town, where the employees were so nice to us even when our kids were being wild. 

Motherhood has gotten the best of me lately (more on this later). I hadn't had a good night's sleep in months. And, my birthday was the same week as the election. Emotions were running high, and I was feeling pretty low. So, it was really great of Sam to step in and take care of all of us, giving me the rest I needed. Also, the house didn't have service, and I actually "lost" my phone- meaning I couldn't remember when I used it last, and chose not to look for it until we left. I don't think I could have gotten through that post-election weekend without unplugging for a bit. The ocean can make you forget everything. This particular spot was mesmerizing. We stopped at a cliff that overlooked a beach, where the shallow water stretched out for so long and you could follow a single wave spread so smoothly until it dissolved onto the sand. 

Thank you all for the birthday wishes! And, thank you Sam for taking your girls on a much-needed get away!