eleven months.

Sadie baby is another month older, and only getting cuter. I can't even. I really can't. I'm really obsessed with this child lately. Smother Mother status.

She has just blossomed these last few weeks. Her personality is sparkling, and her list of talents is growing leaps and bounds. She is patient and accommodating, and such a pleasure. I am loving this age.

My favorite development lately is her ability to come up with the most creative, and sometimes creepy, ways of moving about. Sadie decided to skip the traditional route of baby development: rolling from back to front > army crawl on the belly > crawl on hands and knees. She hated being on her belly so much, that it just never happened. Once she figured out how to sit up on her bum, she was set for life. I really didn't think she would ever start moving.

But, this last month she started to figure it out. First, she scooted backwards on her bum- using her hands to push off. Then, she slowly started to scoot forwards- using her legs in a very strange, octupus-type fashion. (Think: Ursula from The Little Mermaid, with her ungulating tentacles and pudgy arms moving her across the deck of the ship during the wedding crasher scene.) She is disturbingly flexible, in this way. She soon realized that she could push all the way through the center, straddle split to her belly and push back to her bum again. She started using this technique to retrieve items to play with. Then, she started to scoot forward in the splits with one leg forward and one leg back. (Think: fat, chubby inchworm.) She also started to do a "peg leg" scoot with one leg out to the side to steady herself, and her fat, little hands pulling her weight forward. Now, imagine all of these strange modes of transportation in super fast motion, which is what happened after she gained traction of the past week or so. (Think: a super cute version of that creepy girl from The Ring.)

And, that's where Sadie is these days. She has gotten pretty darn fast at moving. So, we have to keep an eye on her. But, really she's not that fast at all because her movement is restricted by the fact that she refuses to lift her bum off the ground. Although, the last couple of days I have seen a very tentative splayed out, froggy hands-and-knees crawl, and even a hands and feet monkey walk stance. When she starts moving normally, I will be so sad!

She is such a funny, happy girl. She gets a huge smile when she sees any one of us. And when she's extra happy, she will laugh and laugh and shake her head around. She makes us all smile,

Sadie lately:

growl- She is often growling these days. You hear it often when she is absentmindedly exploring. She will be scooting about the house looking for items to play with, with a low growl in her throat like some sort of creature.

in her mouth- Sadie is always putting things in her mouth. Duh, all babies do that. But, what I love, is that she knows she's not supposed to. So, if I see her suspiciously rolling something around in her mouth, I hold out my hand in front of her pursed lips and say, "Sadie??" And, pfft! She will immediately spit it into my hand with a look of, "Well, you can't blame me for trying."

cuddles- I love cuddling this child. I love it, because she loves it. She could lay in my lap almost all day. And, if I lay down with her on the couch, her left thumb always finds her mouth, and her right hand always floats up to the side of my face and rests there, pressing my cheek into hers. My baby love.

Eliza game- Sadie loves to play games lately. She loves to throw things on the ground and have you pick them up (my favorite...) She loves to knock down towers. She loves to slowly tear paper up. She loves to take things in and out of containers. And, she LOVES to play games with Eliza. The "Eliza Game" is when Sadie sits on my lap, with her back to the room, while Eliza runs into the other room to hide. When I yell, "Eliiiiizaaaa!" Sadie will immediately start turning her head this way and that and cracking up with anticipation, especially when she hears Eliza's footsteps coming close. Unfortunately, by the time Eliza actually reaches her and she gives her a huge, uncomfortable hug, Sadie is totally over it. But, she's always up to play the game again once she is free from her grip.

food- Sadie eats so much food. I know I keep saying this, but I am always so surprised at how much she consumes. I feed her all. day. long. She eats her food and half of Eliza's, and still bangs her hand on the table for more. Lately she loves cut up berries, and stuffs whole fistfuls into her mouth. This is the lovely age where they are constantly and completely filthy.

happy gestures- She has the cutest happy gestures. When she is excited about something, she will shake her head back and forth and laugh. When she sees something she wants, like food on the table, her arms will flap up and down or they will hover to the side and she will roll her wrists over and over in anticipation. And, when she's happy and content, she will rub her belly and tug on her shirt. When she is feeling love, she will wrap her arm around yours and hold you in a most precious embrace. She is everything I imagined in a baby.

ten months.

Sadie Lee is ten months! She hit her ten month mark while we were on vacation, so I am little late in celebrating this one. Ten months seems so, so big. Ten months is almost a year! My sense of age is so warped this time around, since Sadie has developed so differently than Eliza. Sadie is still not crawling or standing, and so I still see her as this tiny baby. But, she really is so close to a year! I am in no rush to force her to get moving, since she is perfectly happy and content twirling and scooting around on her bum in about a six inch radius. It's amazing how much work you can get done when you are still able to sit a baby in one spot, while only periodically tossing toys at her to play with.

Sadie has developed some separation anxiety the past few weeks, though. Which, you know, is a huge bummer. She's perfectly fine until I walk in the room and then she is reminded that the motherwoman is in the house and the motherwoman absolutely must be the one to hold her at all times. But, it's not nearly as bad as it could be, so I'm only slightly complaining.

She is such a sweet babe. She brings the calm and still into our chaotic lives. She is forever willing to cuddle, and seeing that tiny lollipop fist while she sucks her thumb will make your ovaries explode. She is just the definition of "baby."

Sadie lately:

scrunchy smile- We are loving that scrunchy nose smile. with the spiky teeth. It reminds me so much of Baby Eliza, but with it's own flavor of cuteness. Things that make her smile: Eliza being silly, food, when she finally sneaks the phone to play with, ripping up paper, tickles, laughing, when I put on a hat or sunglasses, cuddles...

eating- This baby loves to eat. She is eating me out of house and home. Like, seriously, she eats more than Eliza does now. I will cut up some food for her, and find myself replenishing five times more than I had anticipated. She chugs those puree pouches so fast, I have to stop buying them. She is a carnivore- meatballs, salami, turkey. And, will never turn down cheese or eggs. She loves fruit- grapes, strawberries, watermelon, and pineapple. But, if you want her to go for the veggies, you have to hide them in her purees. She gets so excited when she knows it is time for a meal!

pinches- All babies have a security thing right? Like, a blanket or toy. Or, maybe they like to stroke your hair, or hold your hand. Well, Sadie has security pinches. Anytime she is remotely content, she has this habit of pinching and playing with your skin. I literally have bruises all over my arms. She will take her tiny thumb and fore finger and just roll your skin. She has an insanely good grip, so it seriously kills. She will also pinch the tendons on your neck- which, you know, is super comfortable.

bum-scuttle-split-and-reach- I posted a video of this, and it is hilarious. Sadie still doesn't like to be on her tummy, and has no interest in scooting or crawling in that position. Nor, does she like to stand or walk along the furniture. But, she has become incredibly skilled at getting what she wants while on her bum. She uses her legs and feet to sort of spider and scuttle forward towards the object, then she will straddle through the splits, sometimes almost to her belly to reach and reach until she her little hand can drag the toy back. She can sometimes even push herself back up through the splits and on to her bum. She can also form several flexible positions with her legs such as a straddle or scorpion, to maneuver her facings and reachings. These are some some serious feats of gymnastics. But, she can only move a few inches or so before she sort of gives up and calls out for help. 

bird squawks- I know I have mentioned these before. The squawking has been occurring for months and months. But, lately, it is sort of out of control. She is SO LOUD. If we are in a large space, like the grocery store, I can totally tune it out. I am so used to it. But, I have started to notice that every one jumps or comments on how she sounds like a bird. Sometimes, not in the friendliest way. Ha! Get over it, she's a baby. It is definitely her most effective form of communication. 

hand claps- Sadie can add hand claps to her list of talents. If she sees someone clapping, she loves to clap along. It's perfectly cute.

shake shake- When Sadie gets really excited, or thinks something is really hilarious, she shakes her head back and forth and laughs. She then shakes her entire body, and you better hold on tight or she will shake right out of your lap. It's so funny!

nine months.

Sadie baby is nine months! This creamy marshmallow is the sweetest thing you will ever snuggle. She is always being passed around, sucking her little thumb, and observing the world.

She is such an observer. Eliza was an active participant in the world (emphasis on the active). She spent her babyhood frustrated that she couldn't do anything and everything. It's made her a very motivated little girl. Sadie, on the other hand, is an observer. She is content watching and learning, and handling. I sit her on the ground in the living room with a box of toys and she will play for half an hour.

But, she also prefers to be held. She wants to snuggle in your arms, and watch what's going on around her. She loves watching Eliza, or other kids play and often starts laughing at their antics. Sometimes, she will start laughing when Eliza is throwing a tantrum because the wild noises and thrashing about are hilarious to her. It would be pretty funny if I weren't on the receiving end of that tantrum. At least Sadie adds some comic relief.

And when Sadie is sad, all you have to do is pull her close into a little ball and let her suck her thumb until she feels better enough to pop her head up and look around. She curls up in the groove of my left arm as her left thumb is the preferred choice for self-soothing.

Sadie girl, lately:

tubby time- This baby LOVES the tub. I can make her a shallow bath, dump a bunch of toys in the water, and she could play all day. She gets a huge grin on her face and waves her arms around, splashing water onto her face. And even through the sputtering of water, she's still laughing. She takes each toy and studies it carefully, nibbling away until a new toy floats past. Sometimes I give her a mini bubble bath and watch her try to pick up the tufts of bubbles with her fat fingers, her eyes big and her mouth forming a perfect O.

little flirt- Sadie has been garnering a lot of attention lately. Those rosy, round cheeks keep the people comin'. She is always flirting with people from her perch in the shopping cart or clinging to my hip. She plays back, laughing and squawking or shyly burying her head in my shoulder. She is quick to hold someone's hand or reach out and pat a stranger's shoulder. She's always breakin' hearts in the Berkeley Bowl produce section.

tan hands and feet- As it turns out, my creamy little baby can hold a tan pretty well. It's been a chilly winter/spring, so her little body never really gets to see the sun. But, her hands and feet are browned to a happy shade of summer.

snot bubbles- This girl has had a runny nose for weeks and months, from never-ending teething. It's a fact of life now. She now doesn't mind when I wipe it because she knows it helps her breathe- so sad! But, I love watching her play because, in her excitement, she might produce a few snot bubbles that build up on her goofy little face.

teeth grinder- Sometimes, Sadie shifts her tiny jaw to the side so that her little fang and bottom teeth touch, and she GRINDS them together. It is the creepiest sounding thing you have ever heard. I feel like someone should record this and sell it as stock sound for a horror movie. It sounds like something that you hear during The Grudge. Also, Sadie now has six teeth! She has two on the bottom, two fangs, and two top middle teeth that just popped through. She has been so sad the past few weeks, dealing with those little teeth.

bird flapping- When she get's excited, Sadie will flap her pudgy arms like a little baby bird. Like, if you place a piece of food in front of her, she flaps her arms by her sides, then slowly lets her hands over over the food for a good 10 seconds before her little dimpled fingers pinch it in her hands.

copcat- Sadie has tricks! She loves to copy. If you shake your head at her, blow raspberries, or "ba, ba, ba" chat with her- she will do it right back with a smile on her face. Eliza loves playing the copycat game with her, and is always trying to get Sadie to mimic. I love watching them shaking heads and laughing at the dinner table.

she's excited to see you- Sadie gets so visibly excited when she sees either me or Sam. In the morning, Sam usually gets up with the girls to give me a few extra minutes in bed. When I come out to the breakfast table, Sadie gets the brightest smile on her face and pumps her little legs in her high chair. Or, when Sam comes home from work, she starts bouncing up and down and laughing, she can hardly contain herself. And, if he has to take his jacket off or do something before coming to hold her, she will start crying. It's so sweet.

throaty laugh- I loooove Sadie's laugh. It's throaty and funny, and almost sounds like she's faking it. She laughs a lot, and everyone loves to try to get her to laugh. It's contagious.

food- This girl eats so. much. food. She wants to be fed constantly, and she is nursing plenty, as well. I run out of things to feed her- I am at a loss. Mamas with big eaters, how do you appease the appetite!? What do you feed your babies??

eight months.

This baby is getting HUGE. Whenever I say that, people always laugh and comment about how small she is. But, trust me, this is a huge baby for my standards. I love how thick and solid she is, and that she allows you to hold her and cuddle. There's so much to cuddle! 

I call her "Chunky McChunkerson" and "my little cream puff." I don't know where this stuff comes from. Nicknames for my kids just sort of appear in my life, and I am sometimes embarrassed of them when they pop out of my mouth in public. Like, for some reason, I used to (maybe still do!) call Eliza "Chewbacca." Not because they have any sort of resemblance, or anything. I honestly don't know why. 

Anyway, Sadie is a chunk. And we love her. And she loves... FOOD. She had an epiphany a few weeks back, in which she realized that at any point in her day there is most likely food within reach. She will eat anything, and never really stops. She doesn't like it if we are eating and she is not. She doesn't like it if she can see food and it's not in her mouth. And, she really doesn't like it if you stop feeding her, even for a moment. She will start screaming at you. When it comes to food, this girl is a beast. But, really, it's so nice. I don't have to convince her to eat. She just does it... all day long. She's also very calculating, she will wait until I am not paying attention and then launch herself over the edge of the picnic blanket to grab a mouthful of clover flower. Little stinker.

A few snippets of our girl:

mover!- Sadie has finally learned how to scoot around on her belly. The problem: she can only go backward. So, she scoots herself back into corners and bookshelves all day long, and then gets extremely upset about it. When I put toys in front of her to try and get her to go forward, she only scoots further and further away from them. She still hates to be on her belly in the first place! So, mostly she sits up on the floor and plays with whatever she can reach, too lazy to actually go for anything beyond her own bubble. I'm torn with being annoyed that she won't go for it, and relieved that I still have a baby that isn't mobile!

dimples- Sadie has dimples all over that chubby, little body. My favorites are the dimples on her hands, when she reaches out to grab something. Or, when she is clutching my finger tightly. We also love those yummy dimples on her bum. It has been such a cold and wet winter here in the Bay Area. I feel like Sadie has been bundled up for her entire life. The houses and buildings around here are chilly, as well, since they are not equipped for extreme weather. So, whenever I get a chance to actually see that soft, creamy skin I am so happy. 

thumb sucker/hand hold- Sadie is really settling into her thumb sucker faze. I think it's adorable, and will gladly pay the thousands in ortho work to fix her mouth after she destroys it, because it makes her so happy and calm. Lately, she has developed the cutest, most comforting hand hold where she sucks one thumb and then uses her fingers to grip the outside of her other hand. It's so sweet. When she's just bored and sucking her thumb, she will use that free hand to tug on her ear or stroke her cheek.

worried eyes- Sadie has inherited the sweetest eyes, which many people claim come from my Dad. They tilt down just slightly. And, when she's sad they crinkle and turn down even more. We call them her "worried eyes." They show up when she is crying or sad, or feeling neglected. My favorite "worried eyes" sighting is when big sister is "playing" with her and Sadie looks over at me like, "Why are you allowing this!?"

screams- Sadie has definitely found her voice. I know I have mentioned that before, but this past month her voice has amplified times a million. She screams and screechers like an animal for no reason than to hear her own voice. She loves to pull her new vocal tricks out when we are in quiet places, like church meetings or restaurants. And, if you try and gently cover her mouth she will blow raspberries into your palm.

pinches- Remember how I waxed nostalgic about how sweet Sadie's wandering hand is when she's nursing? How she would stroke my arm or hold my finger gently. Well, lately that sweet, little wandering hand is more like a painful crab claw. She will grab folds of skin on my forearm and pinch with all her little might- which is actually pretty hard! Or, she will take her tiny thumb and dig away at my flesh with her sharp, little fingernail. Ouch, baby.

little flirt- Sadie loves to flirt and make friends in public. It makes my job easier, because they entertain her when I am standing in lines or eating at a restaurant. She has this funny fake laugh that she does when she is happy. It's kind of throaty and high. She will smile and laugh her funny laugh, and they are totally stuck because who can look away from that?!

Here is a pre-shoot outtake! Tasty baby!

seven months.

This poor girl has had a cold for so long now. Or, she just keeps catching one after another. We have taken her to the doctor, but she has nothing to be concerned about. It's just sad to see her so miserable all the time. It's also been so, so rainy this winter. Our house is eternally cold and damp, and we are stuck inside most days. So, when the sun came out and the day became so deliciously warm, I stuck Sadie in a little suit and plopped her on a blanket in the garden. Even with a dripping nose and a little cough, she is such a pleasant baby. And, we are all in love with that thumb sucking. 

That little thumb is how we get cuddles. She will whine or get upset, then immediately find her thumb and snuggle into you. Eliza never sucked her thumb, so this is new. I know it's not the greatest long-term option, but right now I don't really care. It makes her so happy!

Our Sadie baby lately:

octopus arms- We call them octopus arms, because they slurp out and grab anything within reach. They shoot out and grab your plate, grab your hair, or your plastic sparkle ponies. You have to keep an eye on those little sticky fingers. Also, she is a crazy good grip.

praying hands- When she is upset, if she's not sucking on her thumb, she laces her fingers together in the cutest little praying hands fist. I just love those little hands, and her crinkly eyes when she cries.

faces- She has been so sweetly interested in faces lately. Sometimes, when she's sitting in your lap she will suddenly throw her head back so she can look you in the face, as if she just realized that you were there. Or, she will reach out with her little hands and cup them around your cheeks to study your eyes. She loves to reach out and touch Sam's scruffy beard. Oh, and she also loves to pull and pinch your face like it's made of putty. Ouch.

wandering hand- When Sadie is nursing, one arm is pinned underneath her, while the other wanders around. It makes my heart melt. Sometimes she strokes my arm, or plays with my shirt. Sometimes she scratches her hair or tugs on her earlobe. Sometimes she lets it rest on my chest, or I give her my finger and she grips it tightly. I love that wandering hand.

blanket baby- On park days, Eliza runs wild with her friends, while Sadie and I sit on a blanket. I remember this being the best age- when the baby is not quite mobile, and you can just relax on a blanket in the shade. And, Sadie is lovin' it! She spends a lot of time in the baby carrier or the carseat. Lately, I have been trying to make sure I am giving little Sadie her freedom and she is absolutely giddy about it. She rolls around, chews on random things from my bag, or sits up and plays with her toes.

big sis- Sadie loves her sister. She's pretty terrified of her, as well. But, that full-faced smile she gets whenever she spots Eliza in the room makes me so happy. Eliza is such a good helper, even if I don't ask. She will bring Sadie toys and entertain her. The other day, I found her giving Sadie a finger puppet show, with a very detailed plot line. Sadie has a special cackly laugh that she uses especially when she thinks Eliza is funny. I am so excited to see them grow together.

six months.

Sadie baby is six months!

We are very late to post this for several reasons. It has been a tough few weeks for us, digesting the recent events in our country. Sam and I spend much of our time discussing our feelings and opinions, and trying to formulate ways in which we can make our voices heard. Most days I feel sick to my stomach. While, some days, I feel a little hope and clarity. Whatever your political leanings are, I hope that you can be aware of current events and take the time to thoughtfully consider your stances, research the issues, and make your voice heard. If this election and new administration have done any good in my life, it is to open my eyes to my responsibility in my community and country. The silver lining can be said that, for people like me who never felt the need to be "into politics," the floodgates have been opened. We are fired up.

Which is also why I am so grateful to sit down and take a moment to write about this beautiful baby girl. These girls are definitely the reason why I realized how much I do care about mine and their futures. You just can't look into those eyes and not care!

Sadie is so sweet, and brings us so much joy. Another reason that this post is late coming, is that this poor girl has been sick with a cold, and teething. The double whammy. A constant river of snot, and the saddest cries. When she cries, she stops what she's doing, forms the most perfectly shaped frown, and then slowly rumbles into a blubbery baby cry. It breaks your heart.

But, I feel like that cold is on the way out. And, while she now has two little spikes protruding from her bottom gums, the rest of the bulging teeth seem to be holding off.

Did I mention she's sleeping at night, though!? Hallelujah!! When we got back from our holiday trip, Sam and I set up shop in the living room- air mattress and down jackets. She didn't even need the sleep training, she just stopped waking up. It was amazing. We had tried sleep training a couple of months ago, and it just wasn't working. This time, she was ready. So, we moved her into Eliza's room and haven't looked back. It has been the best thing EVER. Eliza is so excited to have her baby sister sleeping in her room. And, I convinced her that it was super cool to sleep on our bed during nap time, so that she wouldn't wake up Sadie. And, it worked! Mom win.

So, even with the sick baby and the new teeth, everyone in the house is getting a glorious amount of sleep. And, we are all the better for it.


A bit about Sadie:

thumb sucker- We have a thumb sucker! I can't decide if it's the greatest or worst thing. She has always taken a pacifier, but when she got sick she was having a hard time breathing through her nose while keeping the binky in her mouth. So, one day, that tiny, little thumb found its way into her mouth and set up camp. It is, by far, the cutest thing I have ever seen. When she gets upset now she cries and cries, and then remembers her little thumb and starts vigorously sucking on it. I love to sneak into her room and watch her nap with her thumb in her mouth, that pointer finger wrapped around her nose, and those pink full cheeks.

moving- This girl is not interesting in physical activity. It's so funny to me. I don't want to compare the girls, but Eliza was such a big mover. So, when I see Sadie roll onto her belly and then just sort of give up and lay her head down in defeat, I can't help but laugh. She is not interested in getting herself out of tight spots, and she doesn't feel the need to learn how to sit up. She's just a chill, happy baby! She can roll a little, and also ends up doing the compass twirl on her belly most of the day. And, she does enjoy sitting, you just have to be right there to catch that noggin before it hits the ground.

food- She started solids, and loves it. I always try and feed her during our meals and she loves being a part of the action. So far, she's loving apples, bananas, and peanut butter. She's very smart, and picks up on things quickly. She figured out that I wouldn't feed her unless her hands were out of the way right off the bat, and just sits there with her mouth open waiting for me.

laugh- She has the best laugh. She laughs whenever you pay any attention to her. She loves when Eliza plays with her. We are in serious discussion with Eliza about not being rough with the baby, since it is sort of becoming a problem (any advice on this?) But, it's hard to tell Eliza to stop when Sadie is laughing her head off!

creamy skin- I love her creamy skin. I am still so surprised that a baby that came out of me could have such creamy skin. She is like a chubby, little porcelain doll. It's also taken some learning on my part, because her skin is so much more sensitive than mine or Eliza's. When she is upset in the least, she gets all pink and splotchy. It's so cute, but so sad!

squawks- This girl has a lot to say. She squawks when she gets bored, especially in slightly inconvenient places like meetings or church. They are high pitched and sometimes strung into sentences that extend for long stretches of awkward time.

hats- I never put hats on Eliza, but I can't help myself with Sadie's chubby cheeks. She is always wearing a hat- knit hats with pom poms, beanies with ears, bonnets with brims, and pixie hats with points. It gives me such satisfaction to tie that string around her cheeks and watch it disappear into the folds of her chins.

five months.

Sadie Lee is five months! If it's possible, this little one is only getting sweeter. I started calling her my little baby doll, because she is exactly what I imagined a real baby would be like when I was young. She lets you cuddle with her, and hardly complains at all when you squeeze her. I tote her around town all day, and when people stop to say hello, she graciously flashes her precious, little smile. When she nurses, she curls up and settles into my lap with her smooth head nestled in the crook of my arm. Sometimes, when she wakes up from a nap, we just lay together in my bed and she tells me all about her baby dreams, babbling happily to herself.

I have also been joking that, while Eliza has been sort of destroying me during the day with her high emotions and tantrums, this little baby right here has been slaying me at night. I hate to say it, but I have not been my best self these days, from lack of sleep. We attempted some sleep training, but it didn't catch on the way it had with baby Eliza. And, our tiny house is just not conducive. We spent a couple of weeks sleeping on an air mattress in the freezing living room, before we finally gave up and retreated back to our bedroom. It got too cold at night, Sadie wasn't catching on, and the Christmas tree took over the living room. Also, with the holidays looming, I knew that any training we achieved right now would fly out the window during our travels. So, we are going to give it another go in January and hope for the best. For now, I will try to remember that someday teenage Sadie may never want to cuddle with me, much less every 1.5 hours in the middle of the night. Right??

I decided I wanted to take pictures of Sadie in her tiny crib this month because I wanted to remember this time in our life. This time when we are living in a little two bedroom house in Berkeley, with two kids. Where Sadie is sleeping six inches from my face, and we have sound machines blasting in both bedrooms to cover up the household noises, as well as the trains that run along the track four blocks away. Our little house that has one bathroom- a "jack and jill," connecting the two bedrooms. So that, at night when you have to pee, you play a game of roulette trying to decide if it's worth it to wake up either girls by crossing through the room, and which one do you risk. And, you definitely don't flush or the game is up!

I want to look at that picture of little Sadie bathing in the sunlight from the window and cry because I so wish that a baby was sleeping six inches from my face for the rest of my life! I love my happy family, and my happy, little home.

Things I want to remember:

her voice- Sadie has found her voice. And, she loves to use it. She shrieks and squeals, and grunts with a purpose. Sometimes it takes people off guard, it's funny.

her cheeks- Those cheeks are so chubby and firm. When she smiles, they shine like little apples and make her face look so round, if almost square. And, I am obsessed with putting bonnets on her head because the ties frame her cheeks and disappear into the folds of her neck.

her thighs- She has the chunkiest thighs. And since she is still fairly petite, her thighs just sort of take up her entire leg. She has outgrown size 1 diapers, and we are desperately trying to finish up the last box by streeeeetching them over those thighs- and regretting it later when she leaks through. Whoops! Also, sometimes I call her "Chunky McChunkerson" and Sam says I'm going to give her a complex. And, I tell him, her only job right now is to grow and I'm just complimenting her on a job well done.

her laugh- Sadie has the best laugh. It's low and growly, and sometimes she combines it with a funny cough. She laughs at Eliza and other kids, and when you play with her. And basically anytime you give her even the slightest bit of love, she will return it with a beautiful smile or a belly laugh.

grabby- She loves to grab now. She finally reached the age where she loves to play with toys, which has made my life all the more easy. She gets really serious when you hand her something- slowly reaching out her little fingers until they make contact. If you hold her during a meal, she will grab at your plate and food. And, she loves to clutch onto any hair that comes her way. She also loves anything that makes noise when you crinkle it. So when we are grocery shopping, I will throw a bag of something on her lap and she will crinkle, crinkle for the entire shopping trip.

belly roll- The second you put her down on her back, she will roll over onto her belly. She used to immediately get super mad, and Eliza got really good and going over and rolling her back- like a little beetle bug, but opposite. Eliza would laugh and say, "Sadie!? Why do you keep rolling on your belly?!" Now, she doesn't mind being on her belly so much and is starting to explore movement just a bit. But, when she gets tired, she will sort of just lay her face down in the rug and grunts.

Eliza and Sadie- Eliza is still learning about how to treat Sadie. Honestly, she's a little abusive, and we are working on that. Sometimes, Sadie will sort of shake a little when she knows Eliza is coming her way. But, mostly she gets so excited when Eliza plays with her, even when it hurts. haha

Is it conceited if I say I make some insanely beautiful children? I don't care. I do, and they are. :)

four months.

This month flew by, partially because I was late to acknowledge her at three months. But, for once, I was on time and took these pictures the day before. Mostly because I wanted to take pictures of her in this insanely cute bonnet before her noggin got too big.

So here are pictures of my adorable baby with some strategically placed toys, and a strategically placed little hat chosen because it makes her cheeks look so deliciously scrumptious. But, even if I strategically styled these pictures, you can be certain that I scraped aside all of our junk with my forearm and placed her on my rug that may or may not have been vacuumed for quite awhile. You can also be certain that those are some genuine Sadie smiles. She is the sweetest.

Miss Sadie is still loving her midnight snacks, and keeping mama busy all night long. But, she is taking some longer naps during the day, and that makes a big difference. She insists on being a part of our daily lives now. She likes to sit in the Bumbo and watch us eat our meals, or snuggle into the sling to hang out while I clean the house. She LOVES when Eliza plays with her. Eliza can get her to laugh almost every time. Sadie's responses to Eliza have really lifted some of the tension. I think Eliza is starting to feel like Sadie is more of a person, now that she can interact with her. Although, she still gets pretty jealous and clingy when Sadie needs to nurse or needs my undivided attention. It's tough being a big sister.

Sadie is also starting to hold and "play" with things a bit! She mostly just loves to cover it in her slimy river of drool, but it is nice having more items in my toolbox to keep her busy and happy. It's that lovely age when you feel like you are connecting with them at whole new level, like a tiny human.

Little Miss Sadie:

"mama"- I know I mentioned this before, but it really makes me so happy. Sadie has developed a special "call" for when she is hungry, and it's quite literally "Mama." All the heart eyes! I know she is not saying it for real, obviously. But, I kind of love it. Sadie likes to eat right when she wakes up from her naps. So, she just lays in her bed humming, "Mamaammamamamama" until I come to get her and feed her.

the neck folds- I know most babies have the neck folds, but honestly, Eliza didn't have much of any folds. So, I sort of love Sadie's little neck folds! Like, when she wear her little blue sweater dress to church and I find blue fuzz lined up in the creases. Or, when she smiles really big and her cheek and chin all smoosh together.

post-nap- When Sadie wakes up from her naps, I feed her, unwrap her, and lay her on the bed. I then always try to spend a few minutes giving her all of my attention before taking her out into the craziness of Eliza's world. We chat and sing songs, and her face just lights up. I get her to giggle by lifting her arms up over her head, or brushing my fingers down her face. Those are my favorite Sadie times.

side by side- There are, honestly, very few times when we can't decipher Sadie's needs. I mean, she cries like a baby.. a lot. But, we can usually figure out what it is that she wants within a few minutes. Every once in awhile she gets pretty worked up and won't be comforted. When that happens, she doesn't even want to be held- I have found that she just wants me to lay down next to her. We lay side by side, me in my bed and her in hers, and she just stares at me until she drifts off to sleep. Sometimes, her little hand will sneak out of her swaddle and I will let it wrap around my finger while she falls asleep. It doesn't happen very often, but when it does it makes me happy to slow down for a minute and stare at my baby as her long eyelashes float and flutter.

high pitched scream- In the past few days, Sadie has suddenly developed this funny, gargly high pitched scream-talk. It's this sort of throaty, screamy chatter she uses when she wants to say something and we are not really paying attention. Like, "Get me out of this dumb seat." Or, "I've been staring at this wall for 30 minutes now." Or, "Guys, I've been super chill while you got ready, but now I want to get out of this little straight jacket." And sometimes the little high pitched scream-talk babbles out when she is just happily playing with her toys. It's so funny.

We love our Sadie Lee.

Also, these smiles and those cheeks, and the time it took me to write down a few words about my sweet girl, have made this exhausting week just a little easier. There is always light in this world, and my family will always choose love.

three months.

Baby girl is three months! These pictures make me laugh. She spent the entire time trying to get to her toes, and so she kept curling forward and falling over. Also, here's Eliza in the same outfit at two months! Heart eyes!

So, this post is a little late. It's honestly been a rough month around here. Mostly, It;s because I jinxed us and bragged so much about how Sadie has only needed to wake up once a night since birth. Well, a few weeks ago she decided that her goal in life was to double her weight in the shortest amount of time imaginable. And so, baby girl now wakes up no less than five times a night and nurses like her life depends on it. Oy! These babies. As a result, I have become a sleep-deprived monster of a mom and Sadie has developed some deliciously chubby cheeks and thighs.

I am my worst self when I don't get enough sleep. Like, the worst. I have been short and snappy, and not at all loving. And then, every night I apologize to Eliza and ask her forgiveness. The other day, we had a terrible morning trying to get out the door to go to preschool. When I picked her up later, we chatted all the way home, where she said, "We had a rough morning." It made me want to cry. But, it also made me happy because I think she is starting to recognize these moments. We talk a lot about this stuff, because Eliza is a girl that is full of emotions... as are her parents. And that morning, I feel like she finally voiced her understanding that sometimes we have a rough morning, but we can try and be better tomorrow. I love her.

Sam Gray gave me a gift this weekend. He had a business trip he needed to take to Utah, and thought it would be nice for everyone if Eliza got to go with him. She has had the time of her life on her special trip to Utah, and Sadie and I have spent the last three days bonding in a way that we haven't been able to do so far. She is really starting to be her own little person, and I am so grateful I got to spend some alone time with her. I spent the first day napping multiple times, eating take-out, and watching trash tv (in the middle of the day!) Yesterday, we cuddled all morning, ate pastries for every meal, and wandered the Legion of Honor. I've decided that museum is my new happy place. I haven't been able to go to an art museum and actually wander leisurely alone in so long. It was like coming up for air- the way the light filtered through the rooms, and the perfect quiet that filled each space. The museum is just small enough to feel intimate, like you can possibly know each and every piece as if it was your own. It was like a dream. Sadie let me wander almost every room, until we reached the mummies where she decided quite suddenly that she was done. So, we went outside and sat on the steps, ate a chocolate croissant, looked out on the Golden Gate, and listened to a classical guitarist play. It was happiness.

Sadie also rolled on to her belly this weekend! And also, turn about like a compass. I think that she is flourishing without a certain somebody always poking her in the face all day. Just kidding. She loves Eliza.

Here are a few glimpses of Miss Sadie Lee lately:

chatting, "mommmamamama" - She has become such a chatterbox. She makes the cutest noises, and has started to use very specific sounds in a consistent way. For example, when she wants something but isn't worked up enough to actually cry about it, she calls out "mommmmmamamamom" which seriously sounds like she is calling out "Mama!" It is so crazy, and really sweet. Eliza is pretty convinced that she can talk, and one time I overheard her arguing with her cousin about this matter in the back of the car. And when Sadie's random chattering blurted out a "Mmmhmm!" Eliza went, "See! She said 'Mmmhmm!'"

head to the right- Sadie sleeps in our room, in a rocker next to my bed. I know I should transition her to her crib soon (also in our room), but I am reluctant because she sleeps so well in that rocker. I used to have bounce, rock, dance, and do acrobatics to get Eliza to fall asleep. But, when Sadie is tired, I just lay her in that thing, and stick a pacifier in her mouth. She then immediately settles in, always snuggling her head over her right shoulder in the direction of my bed. It is the cutest thing.

bubble blowing- She went through a phase where she loved blowing bubbles. She makes enough saliva to blow bubbles for ten babies, so it's usually pretty messy. When you blew bubbles back at her, her face would light up.

observer- Sadie is the quiet observer. She sits and watches you, going about your business. She loves to be in the baby carrier with her face uncovered, so she can see the world. Being the second child, I often care for her in steps. If she wakes up from a nap, I let her hang out in her swaddle until she calls out. Then I unwrap her and let her lay on the bed, until she calls out. Basically, I get as much done as I can until she reminds me that she has been pretty chill for awhile and now requires some attention. She's the best. The other day, we were all trying to get ready and get out the door. Sam put her in her carseat and we ran around the house getting dressed and wrangling an overly-dramatic Eliza. When I was finally ready to go, I come in the room to find Sadie sound asleep in her seat, wearing yesterday's pajamas, and plastered in glitter heart stickers. She must have gotten tired of watching us run around.

her smile- I love seeing that smile. I love seeing her face light up when she realizes that it's her turn for some mama time. She loves when you pull her arms up over her head, or when you jiggle her feet. She loves when big sister plays (softly) with her. And, she loves big kisses on the lips.

We love you, Sadie baby.

two months.

Sadie is now two months old! She had her two month check-up today, weighing in at 9 lb 4 oz. We have loved watching her grow this past month. Her face is filling out, and she legitimately has a double chin- I swear, it's there! She has starting smiling now, and it makes my day. Sometimes we can make her smile if we tickle her cheeks a little, or if we smile really big she will smile back. But, my favorite smile is when she hasn't seen me for awhile, like when I am driving and she is stuck in the carseat. When she registers my face again, her face will light up with the most beautiful, little smile. I just love her so much.

She is even starting to develop a little laugh. She will smile, smile... and then let out this funny little double cough. It's delightful. 

We have also discovered that Miss Sadie is a homebody. Eliza was the exact opposite. She didn't like being in the house, she loved having the wind on her face, and she very rarely napped at home- only on the go. Sadie, on the other hand, loooooves to be home. Her rocker, where she sleeps, is her absolute happy place. She will put up with outings up until a point, and then you start to notice signals that she is ready to just get home and snuggle in her bed. I then have to hurry and wrap it up, or she might have a little mini baby meltdown. The second I get home I swaddle her up and lay her in bed and she just chills out and stares at the ceiling contentedly. It makes it a little difficult with a 3-year-old, though. I always assume Sadie will just fall asleep while we are out, but she never does. 

She also really loves her routine. Her nighttime routine has been set since week two, and she does not like it if we mess with it. Last night, I tried to get her to fall asleep on me so we could snuggle a little. Nope. She wanted to be swaddled up in bed. I know I should be happy about that!

A few more things I'm loving:

The salty lashes- When babies are just starting to develop the ability to cry, it's sad, but so lovely. They may only make one little tear, and so it wells up in their eyes and may just barely wet the cheek. Sadie has Sam's beautiful, impossibly long eyelashes. So, after a good baby cry, the tips of her eyelashes are sometimes white with salty crystals- little salty lashes.

Oh, nursing!- Oh, how I love nursing. I know it's hard at first, I have had my fair share of nursing difficulties. I also know that it is not for everyone. But, for me, it is one of my favorite parts of having a baby. I love the sideways glance they give you as they look up at your face. I love the way her eyebrows move up and down, because she is just so content. I love when her eyes suddenly get big as saucers when the milk lets down and she chugs, chugs to keep up. I love the little hand that rests on my chest. And, I love feeling like I can do something perfectly right. "You're sad and hungry, baby. Oh, I can feed you. I can do that. I got you, babygirl."

The view from the top- I love the top of a baby's head. I suppose it's because that is the majority of my view. I carry her around in the baby carrier all day, looking down at the swirl of hair on the top of her head. At night, I lean over the side of my bed to look in on her bed and see that slope of forehead, cheeks, and nose. I remember with Eliza I especially loved photos of the top of her head, which sounds a little weird. But, it a mother's view.

Anemone toes- My babies both inherited Sam's long toes, which I tease him about mercilessly. Sadie's are not quite as long as Eliza's, whose "finger toes" had the ability to literally grasp your pinky. But, Sadie's remind me of the anemones that we see when we explore the tidepools- the sea green creatures that slurp close when you touch them. If you tickle the bottom of Sadie's foot, her tiny toes spray out like an anemone. And, then if you touch her toes they slurp up. I know it sounds weird when I describe it, but it's so cute.

Chirps and gurgles- I love those first little sounds they make. When it almost seems like they are trying to communicate with you, but all that's coming out are the most cheerful little chirps and gurgles. Those sounds that send even the most stone-faced adult into the most ridiculous baby talk response.

Little bug- Sadie is swaddled most of the day, it makes her very happy. I love my little bug- when she's all wrapped up, and her little head pokes out the top resting her double chin on the hem of the swaddle. I love that little bug shape.

sadie's blessing.

Sadie Lee was blessed on a beautiful, sunny day in August. Sam gave her a name and a sweet blessing, surrounded by many friends in our Berkeley Ward family. Sadie was quiet and calm through the entire thing- true to form.

My mom made her beautiful blessing dress. She made Eliza's dress, as well. When I found out I was having another girl, I decided to ask my mom if she would make another dress instead of having them blessed in the same dress. I love the idea of heirloom pieces, but I never loved the idea of sharing. I wanted each of my girls to have their own dress that they could keep and pass on. I like to pretend that my daughters will be as ridiculously nostalgic as I am. But, hey, my mom and I are both cut from the same (vintage) cloth!

I also love the idea that each of their dresses was designed differently, and ended up showing their personalities. Eliza's dress had tiny flutter sleeves, and intricate lace. While, Sadie's dress is soft and flowy, with a sweet, little bow. I'm so glad my mom could give such a special gift to my girls. I'm also so happy that we were able to bless Sadie while my mom was in town!

We took some family pictures after, which involved several bribes and threats for Miss Eliza, and a bright, green pacifier for Sadie Baby. I was self-conscious of having my picture taken, as my hair needed a cut, my face still looked (looks) like somebody else's, and that awkward nursing dress was just not cutting it. It always makes me laugh (or cry) to think of the actual events behind a photo. That's life. I am trying not to be so critical of real life these days. This was a special day, and that's my family right there, in that moment. I love it.


Sadie, we love you so much. We are so grateful that you came to our family. I know that you are supposed to be with us. I waited a long time to see you, my baby. I know that your Heavenly Father loves you. And, your papa and I promise to provide a home for you- one that is always full of love.